Hold Your Breath

He's been talking about it forever......saying his teacher's name like he knows her. Even Ella is reciting his teachers name!! We had an open house Monday evening where we actually got to meet Mrs. Owens. I couldn't drive there fast enough.....Evan kept telling me to go faster because we were going to be late. We parked and he was grabbing his backpack and heading to the door before I could even lock the truck. We made it down the hallway toward our classroom and he was so excited to be in a new place and seeing all the other kids he might get a chance to play with.........we walked into his classroom and Mrs. Owens introduced herself......and Evan turned into the boy I know. He hid behind my leg and barely mumbled out a hello! I kept wondering how long his excitement was going to last.

So today was the day he actually had to board the school bus......without mommy there to hold his hand and shield him from the world!! :( Once again he was so excited and couldn't stop talking about going to school and being able to use his new backpack and playing in his classroom and riding the bus to school........knowing how Monday went I had my doubts he would do very well with getting on the bus knowing I wasn't right behind him. And I couldn't have been more right. He'll be getting on and off the bus at my sitter's house, so this morning we headed over plenty early to make sure we were prepared to board when the bus showed up.

As the bus was coming down the road we began our walk to the end of the driveway. The closer the bus got, the tighter Evan's grip got on my hand.......and there was an ache in my stomach knowing that I was going to have to force my kid onto this bus with complete strangers......and I knew it would be hard because he's my son and I know him well. He did as I expected and hesitated at the steps knowing I wasn't getting on with him. Then he began to cry.....really cry! And I was trying to reason with him......to no avail. Thankfully my sitter, Pat, (who's phenomenal by the way) came over to help. I kissed him goodbye and she took him and got him on the bus. He was still crying and screaming.....but at least he didn't have to be pealed off of me. :(

Yes, it was hard.....but I managed (to my surprise also) to keep it together! It's tough having your baby screaming for you and knowing there's nothing you can do to change what's got to happen. I still can't believe he's old enough to be in pre-school......but he is. I made sure I was there too when he got off of the bus at the sitters house (just for this first day though), and he was very happy.....and the 'bus helper' said that he calmed down right after the bus pulled away. Thank God!! He happily showed Pat and I his page he colored in school and told us about some of the other kids.......he was really excited. Now the real test will be Monday......when he's got to go back!!! :)

Now breath.......it's a sickening feeling not knowing. Not knowing if he's still crying. Not knowing if the other kids are being nice. Not knowing if he's able to tell someone how he feels. Not knowing, myself, the people I just trusted with my baby's wellbeing. Not knowing.......I'm pretty sure I didn't breath all day until he came back to me. And he was just fine and he still tells me he loves me!! I can't shield him from the world......but I can make him strong enough to take on the world!!

Congratulations Evan......we both made it through your first day of school!!